L's Lessons in Art Therapy

Sunday, December 10, 2006

Learn to cohabitate or else you'll drive yourself nuts! - literally!

One does not know hell till one has to listen to five squirrels gnawing on the boards, plaster, wires etc in one's ceiling and walls! God help me!

Our landlord and all his best men cannot seem to make our apartment squirrel free again. Here are the ideas that have either been suggested or tried:

1- set up traps- catch them and drown them all (supposedly the only way to get rid of squirrels)

2- soak food they would like in a strong alcohol and watch what happens (inspired by an insane uncle I had who did this with pigeons and watched them fly into buildings killing themselves- that is if they didn't die first from alcohol poisoning)

3- rat poison- although this gets tricky with squirrels because I have heard that unlike mice and normal rodents who go outside to die, squirrels stay in the building - ICK!

4- Wait outside our building with a beebee gun and try to hit them as they come and go from our building (inspired by the family of one of my brother's friends who used squirrels on their bird feeder as target practice).

5- Block their entrances with ply wood, wreck their condo of squirrel nests in our rafters and fill smaller holes with steel wool. (This has all been tried by our landlord's men to no avail. Squirrels are not that dumb. They gnaw new holes, and somehow always find a way in)

Any ideas welcome. I'm not sadistic enough to do the first four.

Lesson: There are two things you cannot evade in life: death and taxes and there are two things that will be remaining when we are all gone- cockroaches and squirrels!

4 Comments:

  • At 11:09 AM, December 11, 2006, Blogger jh6p said…

    The family did not shoot at squirels. The 11 year old boy with the new bow & arrow set shot at squirels. The rest of the family were only complicit in the action by allowing it to continue.

     
  • At 11:11 AM, December 11, 2006, Blogger jh6p said…

    Incidentally, the bow & arrow only kept them out of the bird feeder for an hour or so, and I think he might have been 13 years old at that point.

     
  • At 7:56 AM, December 13, 2006, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    hahaha! This was hilarious. I have no suggestions for you but you have inspired me to write about a similar story I have.
    Good luck with the vermin.

     
  • At 9:15 PM, December 15, 2006, Blogger El said…

    Just the last one has been tried. . .I've ljusth eard of other people doing the cruel ones! The problem is that the last one is the least effective!

     

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